I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Screwed.edu
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
