Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize