i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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