Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
