I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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