I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
