I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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