first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
