dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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