I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
