you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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