I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
