god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
