Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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