So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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