I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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