Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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