Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize