um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
