oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize