you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
