It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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