so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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