I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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