I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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