:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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