I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
