I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
