if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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