I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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