If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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