Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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