my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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