I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
