Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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