Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
