We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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