That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Everything about him screamed your future.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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