WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
