mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
