He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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