I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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