Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
