NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
