apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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