You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
