i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
