eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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