I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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