Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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