I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
