every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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