I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
