susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
