he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
