can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
