How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
