I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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