she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
