but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
