DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
