It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
