dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
try to milk me bitch
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