Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
