i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
worst night to have a conscience
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize