How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Semen is not good for contacts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
