I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
