Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
