shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize