omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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