Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
