Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize