she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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