Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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