last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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