Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
