What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
