You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
