And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
