I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize