I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
