I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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