how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
