I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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