I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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