I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Alive.
So much puke
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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