How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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