He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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