Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
