i permit you to call me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize