he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
