Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
