We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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