Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize