dude i'm inner monologue high
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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