beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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