he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
