didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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