They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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