why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
