Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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